I was not playing the Albertson’s Monopoly win-everything-no-one-percenter-needs-or-wants game until a neighbor bestowed a pile of game pieces on me.
“Something for the kids to do on a rainy day,” she said, handing me a manila envelope bursting with little squares and shards a bit larger than New Year’s Eve confetti. [If I used Ticker Tape for a metaphor, would anyone know what I meant?]
Rain isn’t in the forecast. This is California! So, last night, just after I gathered stuff needed to file my taxes before April 15 – another activity no one-percenter has to do as many don’t pay 35% taxes anyway – I sorted, picked, and licked and prayed that the pieces would remain on the board, if I won.
It’s terrifying to think that on the way to verify my winning board, a gust of wind would blow the piece off into oncoming traffic, and I would die after being run over by a Maserati.
What could I do with one million? Undaunted by the fact that the IRS would chomp on a good portion of it, I hunkered down.
Shards. Shards. My Kingdom for Two Shards
I’m not the only human hunched over a first-base size board impaled by black-and-white name-brand shards clinging on squares promising $5,000 Cash, Red Box rentals, Jet Skis or a million greenback dollars! Someone else might have the missing piece!
Check out the site. More trading than on the floor of the NYSE. I’m not the only one. Thousands of hopefuls need just a one or two for the Big One Million: 613C, 618H. What am I willing to do for this? Do a book report on Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece? That would be too easy.
The Price of Fortune
This is not an R-rated blog. Use your imagination. Send me the where and when, and what. Of course, I’ll have to see your 613C 618H before I make a move.
It would probably be easier to snag a 90-year-old geezer [without grandchildren] on a Republican dating site. Cancel that.
Settling Down
All right. If you don’t have 613C or 618H, I’ll settle for I541C, the $10 Grocery Gift Card. Please, do NOT offer me Q573C, the $200 Family Picnic.
It would probably rain on the day we headed to the park.