Every award season, I wring my hands and gnash my teeth because I haven’t finished one novel, screenplay, or song.
“You can’t win if you don’t play.”
I have a comeback for that: I have the dress, I have the shoes, I have the guest-pass list. All I need is the script. And an acceptance speech.
One problem down: I found Write Your Own Acceptance Speech – an article by Margaret Lyons in the Vulture section of NYMAG.com – this morning. Yes! There is a way I can pre-meditate the words on the crumpled paper I pull from my heaving decolletage.
The speech writes itself. For adapted screenplay, all one has to do is list the name of an “obscure author,” “politically charged issue, margeinalized people, acnestor, tchotchke, and children’s names.” Fill in the blanks. and the software does the rest.
Original screenplay is not listed. I guess that if you can craft an original screenplay, you can write hefty dialogue to match the brilliance of your work onscreen.
Now, all I need is the script.